Facebook friends you can(‘t) count on

“Facebook is more about entertainment than work,” says Nicholas A. Christakis, a physician and sociologist who studies social networks at Harvard. “Instead of watching soap operas, they’re watching soap operas of people they sort of know.”

“It sucks you in,” says Mary Washington’s Clark. “The public conversations — it’s digital eavesdropping.”

Losing friends in this new world is as fraught as making them. “Real-world friendships are not usually intentionally ended,” Adams says. “Folks just let things naturally cool off. On Facebook, decisive action has to be taken.” Defriending cements that a friendship is over.

The best soap operas occur when a couple breaks up. Change your profile from “In a Relationship” to “Single” — or even more ominously, “It’s Complicated” — and little press releases blast out to all your gossip-hound “friends.” Massive e-mailing and tongue-wagging ensues.

It’s futile to try to erase latent traces of Friends Next. “The digital trails of an online friendship — true or not — really do last forever,” Albrechtslund says. Its evidence is stored on servers indefinitely, beyond the control of the persons involved.

The real thing

So in Friends Next, what matters? Is being good company enough? Is trust a key ingredient? Or loyalty? Or self-sacrifice?

“Go through your phone book, call people and ask them to drive you to the airport,” Jay Leno once said. “The ones who will drive you are your true friends. The rest aren’t bad people; they’re just acquaintances.”

“It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter,” said Marlene Dietrich.

While Facebook will allow you as many as 5,000 “friends,” enduring realities impose far more significant limits. No matter how thick your soup of constant communication, sooner or later you may have to decide who will be your bridesmaid. No matter how easily you can get Facebook on your iPhone, sooner or later you may have to decide who will be the godfather of your child. And no matter how extensive your profile, it is certain that someday, someone is going to have to decide who will be your pallbearers.

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